Friday, 26 November 2010

Writing My Blog

A few people have suggested that I don't actually write my blog, that it's daddy doing all the work, the cheek of it!

As you can clearly see from this picture, that is simply not true.

Sleep Paterns

Mummy and daddy keep trying to get me to sleep in my cot, which I'm pretty peeved about, why should I sleep in a basket while they get to sleep in a massive bed?

As you can see I look much happier in their bed.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Something Not Quite Right

Just when I thought I was beginning to understand the difference between mummy and daddy, I wake up to daddy feeding me! Can someone tell me what's going on? No SERIOUSLY what is going on!!? And to top it off, it tastes exactly like mummy's milk, weird.

His boob tasted a bit synthetic, anyway as this serries of pics show, I was pretty damned confused.

Oh that's good
All Gone
Who the hell are you!?

Chillin' With Uncle P

This is me and my Uncle P at mummy's birthday, my very first party; thanks for the Vans Uncle P

Relaxing with Auntie Bonnie

This is me just before going to my first party, relaxing with Auntie Bonnie.


Went to the baby centre yesterday and wore the Vans that my Uncle Patric bought me, they're pretty cool huh?

Strange Reminder

Daddy decidded to play a new trick the other day, whilst stealing my nappy away; he put some music on by Nina Simone. Which as it happens is the music that was playing while I was being born, daddy said it would chill me out.

I don't know why he thought reminding me of the most traumatic time of my life would chill me out, which is what I'm trying to tell him with this look.

funnily enough though, it did kind of work I hardly noticed the stolen nappy.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Yet Another Suitor!

OK, I'm only 4 weeks old and the parents have been trying to get me married off oh the embarrasment!

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Been Inside For Nine Months

Don't really know what this baby grow means, but it's funny enough to make daddy laugh for FIVE STRAIGHT MINUTES! Jeesh sometimes I worry about the sanity of that man.

And one for my hommies

Bad Hair Day

Daddy has been messing about with my hair and he seem's to think it's funny; for the record, I do not!

Friday, 12 November 2010

To Spooze Or Not To Spooze

The most amazing thing just happened to me, I just combined two of my favourite things, basically I sneezed and pooed at the same time!

It was amazing, you've really got to try it, I wish I could do it on demand but I can't, it just came out of nowhere. The only dilema is what to call it, do I call it a spooze or speeze, I think spooze; what do you think?

Bathtime Not That Bad After All

It turns out I might have misjudged bathtime, it's actually not alltogether, unpleasant. In fact, I might even go as far to say as, it was quite nice.

The bathroom was much warmer this time and when they lay me down in the water it reminded me of something, I can't think exactly what, but I had an urge to tuck my legs in and curl up in a ball.

I even enjoyed when daddy washed my hair, wasn't so pleased when they pulled me out though, I think they need to think that one through, this is me relaxing in the bath.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

This Could Be The Beginning Of A Beautiful Relationship

Mummy was changing my nappy the other day, much to my dismay; even weeing on her didn't seem to stop her. Anyway I was screaming at her at the top of my lungs and the cat came over and attacked her.

He jumped up on her, bit her neck and told her to leave me alone, you know, I think I'm really starting to like him, although I've noticed, strangely enough, he doesn't wear a nappy! Where does he store his poos?

Foot Confusion

Daddy keeps going on about how cute my feet are and how he can't stop tickling and kissing them.

Where are my feet and what's so special about them? Do they hold some kind of special power? They seem to, because everytime daddy goes on about them he starts speaking in this silly voice, once I work out where they are I'm going to check them out properly, I'll probably start by putting them in my mouth.

What Are Hiccups For?

Could someone please, please tell me what hiccups are for? I keep getting them and it's really freaking me out, they just come out of nowhere and send this weird convulsion through my body and a strange little noise comes out of me.

To top it all off, daddy seem's to find it hilarious and just laughs; IT'S NOT FUNNY DADDY!

I wish he would get them and then we'd see how funny he thought they were.

Here's me mid hiccup


I realised that the babygrow I was wearing yesterday was a very similar colour and design to this pillow, so I crawled onto it and tried to hide, I reckon it's worked pretty well, what do you think?

End Of Snuffles

Phew, just got over the snuffles which is why I haven't posted in a few days, wore my first dress the other day,
mummy said I looked really cute; what do you reckon?

Friday, 5 November 2010

Bribery Will Get You Nowhere

Here's daddy trying to bribe me with kisses after he has once again, whipped away a perfectly full nappy, shortly after this pic was taken though, I filled up again and while daddy was changing me, I attempted to poo on him, unfortunately though he seem's to have similar reflexes to the cat and I missed.

Next time daddy, next time...

Wednesday, 3 November 2010


Woke up this morning to daddy staring at me from about an inch away, scared the bejeebus out of me.

Then realised that I had lots of bungy stuff up my nose, couldn't breath properly and felt really dopey, couldn't even muster the strength to protest at daddy taking away my full nappy, just going to drink and sleep today and perhaps the odd poo.

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Who On Earth Need's Baths?

Just when I was getting to like maddy (mummy and daddy), they go and destroy almost all confidence I have in them. Earlier today, they for some unfathomable reason, placed me in water and proceeded to rub some kind of lotion over me! They called it bath time, what's a bath and who on earth need's one?!

In my opinion, anyone who has one of these things on purpose is stark raving mad, anyway back to this afternoon; no matter how loud I screamed they just kept on with it, saying silly little things like, 'it's OK buba, you need a bath, it's fine.'

Need a bath!? Why would you need a bath? Why would you want to do something like that to your child? Anyway, on the plus side I don't think the cat's plotting against me anymore; something I was sure of a couple of days ago; when maddy started gushing over it and going on about how 'cute' he was being.

Cute! I'm the only cute one in the house, the cat better move aside, anyway he seemed to be on my side today, as when I was screaming whilst my awful parents half-drowned me, the cat came into the torture/bathroom and started whining along with me.

I think I'm going to like this cat after all. Right I'm off to quite litteraly drink myself into a milk induced stupor. Here's a pic of me just after my ordeal, as you can see I'm clearly traumatised.

Simple Pleasures

If there is a greater, singular pleasure in life, than getting a nice pat on the back, then I want to know what it is. Also anytime daddy does this, I get a funny feeling in my tummy and a strange, but not unpleasant noise come's out of my mouth and leaves me with a warm contented feeling; I know weird huh?

Monday, 1 November 2010

A Question Of Will

Day 10 31/10/10

8.06 am - I've just done one of the best poos of my life! It was incredible, I was feeding on my favourite boob (the left one) and I swear this poo probably took 30 seconds to fully emerge, fantastic!

8.15 am - I'm so ticked off and I've let everyone know about it, after saying things like well done and what a clever girl I was, daddy took my nappy off and replaced it with a clean one; WHY DOES HE KEEP DOING THAT!?

8.17 am - Thank heavens, I've managed to do another poo, mummy tried to placate me by giving me more of my fave boob, it definitely helped and I'm happy again.

8.20 - I can't believe maddy (that's what I call mummy and daddy) they've taken my pooey nappy again! What's wrong with these people, it's my poo and I should get to keep it, just because they're bigger than me they think they can boss me around.

8.25 - Just done my 3rd poo, hopefully maddy will leave this one alone, I think they will, just saw a tear in daddy's eye as he said to mummy 'maybe we should leave this one for a while'; yeah right, try leaving it all together, or at least till I'm ready for a refill.

 I'm off to sleep now, hopefully my nappy will still be full when I wake up.

Arranged Marriage

Day 8 29/10/10

A friend of mummy and daddy came round today with what suspiciously looked like another baby! What on Earth are they thinking? And then to top it off, daddy said he was my prospective boyfriend and started asking him what his intentions were! Can you believe it?

I almost died with embarrassment.

Note from daddy: Get used to it honey :-)

The Wonder Of Hands

Day 5 27/10/10

Just discovered that those things that have been waving about in front of my face are mine! Yup, according to daddy they're called hands, and let me tell you they're pretty useful. So far I've used them to hold my dummy - or 'num nums' as mummy and daddy call it - in place, they're also quite good for general grabbing.

Anyway I'm absolutely shattered now, have had a hard day of feeding and pooing, it really take's it out of you.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

What The Hell Is That Thing? And Why Have You Brought In The House?

Noticed the cat today, daddy was once again taking away a nice warm nappy that I'd been working on secretly for hours. I was trying to tell him at the top of my voice to leave my nappy exactly where it was, when suddenly this black furry thing with pointed ears peered over the top of the chair I was being changed on.

It stared at me wide-eyed for a good few seconds and then looked up at daddy before saying, 'what the hell is that thing and why have you brought it in the house?'

Strangely daddy doesn't seem to be able to understand a word the cat's saying, I'm going to have to watch that one though, it seems to think that mummy and daddy should be looking after him instead of me! Outrageous!

Leave My Nappy Alone!

Why oh why do these people who call themselves my parents, who claim to love me, keep changing my nappy? Every time I do a nice warm poo or pee in my nappy one of them takes it off and replaces it with an empty one.

What the hell is that all about!? I keep trying to tell them, but they don't seem to understand me, the only way to get through to them I reckon, is to keep filling them as fast as they can change them.

Maybe that's my job, is to fill nappies; anyway this is a pic of me filling up a nice fresh one.

Day One Life On Earth

Wow! If you ever want to freak yourself out try being born for a trip!

Imagine trying to pass your head through a polo neck jumper 12 sizes to small for you, and you have some inkling as to what it's like.

Anyway I came out was manhandled by some bloke in a uniform and put on a nice warm bare chest, I opened my eyes and saw my mummy and daddy for the first time, it was a bit cold so I sneezed; which in itself is a pretty freaky experience, for some reason this made mummy and daddy cry.

Pooed on the nurse and fell into a fitful sleep.